Written By Jenni Bailey
Scribble, Scribble, Scribble!
My words are fighting with my head
Together, they’re not being civil
My thoughts are in a loop
I can’t write them in a sentence
There’s not even have enough in alphabet soup
I feel like a repetitive bitch
But it’s just that my hurt is too deep
My trauma is getting too rich
It festers, it simmers
I have nothing to give you
My body has just enough energy to quiver
Even though you don’t deserve even that
Your name has nothing behind it
It’s just heavy-the weight doesn’t deserve recognition
It’s like fresh, wet cement
We know the same words, but carry a different meaning
I had to search for your compassion
You left, but I’m having to do all the cleaning
You’ve made me feel like I’m camouflage
I’m always in pink, and you saw through this color
Without knowing me, you were hell-bent on my flaws
Everything about you, I needed to expose
Caring for me requires honesty
Your honesty depended on the doors being closed
I wanted and needed your attention
I am a one-on-one, you made it more than that
I handed my hurt to you on a platter-your focus was perfection
I had a smile with you, but it felt as though I had to earn yours
You carried on so fake
I heard it when you talked
In front of others, you needed a second take
I needed your client recognition
But I just wanted to drive away
And, so you gave me keys to the ignition
You made my head spin
You’re unexplainable
No matter what I expressed, YOU fought to win
You would say one thing, then do another
Your actions didn’t match your words
And leave me confused, left to wonder
You would create something that wasn’t there
Have me question my sanity overall
Now, tell me how that was fair?
I felt like the roles reversed
I found it to be so silly
Especially, when we conversed
I had to put up boundaries that you didn’t have for yourself
To say ‘’Hey, I’m your client, ‘’you’re not doing this’’
No matter what advice was given, you wouldn’t do self-help
I regretted my positive talk towards you
Because you would backslide
Like my care was new
I saw more of your back then your face
You gave up to easily to make me seem unmanageable
There was nothing about your approach I could embrace
Let me say this, I don’t define you
You define yourself
You are clever and calculated
I saw right through you
You left my face tear-saturated
Go ahead, ignore what you put me through
I’m writing this poem to put your energy away
Yes, you made me aware, even when you weren’t
I’m taking my own energy back-TODAY!
