The Caterpillar

A Story by Jenni Bailey

 

In life, I’m slowly learning to be a caterpillar, and trying not worry about needing to grow my wings to be a butterfly.  It’s okay for me to be caterpillar because I need help to fly, so therefore, I don’t need my own wings. I’m being taken under other butterflys’ wings…and I’m learning to be okay with that.  I still feel like I’m in my cocoon some days, but I’m slowly learning that, and that is totally okay.

 

I feel I don’t owe him!  I didn’t make him, he made me, according to the bible. So, it makes it so he owes me.  With all the stuff I’ve been through, he needs answer to the trauma I suffered.  In my eyes, he doesn’t even deserve a capital ”H” when addressing him because I feel he abandoned me.  I am supposed to be his child.  God has made me cry 

 

Why is that I have to prove myself worthy of Heaven?  I’m his child…supposedly!  Shouldn’t that be enough?  I shouldn’t have to work so hard to get through the Pearly Gates.  Why do have to repent and/or confession on our knees, when you already know we aren’t perfect?  You’re suppose to know everything already!  You made us not to be perfect, but do you know we have to be perfect to enter Heaven?   It doesn’t make any sense, God!

 

I’m not going to live my life to make YOU comfortable, what matters, is whether I’m comfortable…and I am.  I give love others, and I receive it, so don’t shut the Pearly Gates, just because my definition of Heavenly is different from yours.  Making me worship you to get into Heaven, or telling me ”you can only get into Heaven thru me”, is not very good advice or very good rules.  This sounds very conditional, even tho, you, God, your love should be unconditional.