Happy Birthday, Jenni

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Being in a nursing home, and having it be your birthday
I knew I had a steady visitor coming my way
I also was told my Aunt and Grandma were coming
And, for some reason, it had my heart running

I was nervous for their arrival
My body acted like it was fighting for survival
I was getting a birthday visit from family
Why do I have these feelings? It’s hard being me

I waited for my friend’s face to show
I wanted to be with her…”let’s go!”
Even though we both knew
My family would be there soon

My friend I left knowing
But that didn’t stop me from going
My grandma and Aunt showed their face
Not knowing I wasn’t in that place

I didn’t realize the biggest mistake:
I didn’t see them, and didn’t taste the cake
I got a call later that night from my Aunt
I was thinking ”what does she want?”

She was crying on the phone
So, naive, I apologized, not knowing the hurt that I hadn’t shown
She made me cry, I was responsible for the hurt
I felt like the dirt!

I never had that conversation with grandma
And now, she has passed away: I never saw…
The hurt that I’d caused her
I’m no longer my Aunt’s ”Ferfer”

To this day, I wish I saw their faces, tasted that cake
I’m left to wonder ”what did the cake look like, how long did it bake?
I’m left apologizing on a note, hoping grandma heard me
The regret has me imprisoned in my mind, It hasn’t set me free

I’ve missed a birthday celebration
And a silenced conversation
I wish I could’ve heard ”happy birthday, Jenni!
I had many opportunities to talk…MANY